Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Goodbye 2013..Hello 2014

And here we are again..Celebrating another year..2013 was an incredible year for me. I started by career as an author with the love and support from my family and friends and an amazing author Sandi Lynn. I went to school to become a teacher but life took me on a ride and that wasn't my destiny. I've always loved to read and write but was always nervous until I heard these encouraging words...

"You'll never know unless you try."

And I'm thrilled to say I have no regrets. This journey has led me to meet some wonderful people-fans, readers, bloggers and authors. I have friends all over the world from New York to California to Ireland to the UK. Facebook and Twitter have turned into my little family. There have been ups and downs but I'm so happy where I am. 






Writing these books was so fun and I couldn't have done it without the help from my lovely friends <3 

I'm so excited about 2014! A few of my goals:

To live a healthier lifestyle

To smile more

Stop holding grudges

Pay off my credit card debt

READ

Get a tattoo 

I hope to meet many of you at the signings I'm attending! Thank you for your love and support. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for YOU <3

Have a HAPPY 2014 and may this year bring you and your family love, smiles and happiness.


Saturday, December 14, 2013

Infinite Desire by Danielle Jamie Blog Stop



Infinite Desire by Danielle Jamie is a great book and a great ending to Savannah and Kayden's story. This is book 4 of the Savannah Series and it just keeps getting better with each book. I love their chemistry and the mix of drama, passion, love and angst is all mixed into this book. Danielle brings in all the characters from her previous book and I love Brooklyn and Dixon's story even though I'm so Team Jax! But I did enjoy how their story played out.

There's more drama for Savannah and Kayden and it kills me! Everyone wants to see them break up but their love remains strong and demonstrates the saying "love conquers all."



The sex honestly keeps getting better! I actually am jealous of Savannah because OMG Kayden is a BEAST! 



I love Danielle's writing and how she can capture her readers with her words. Infinite Desire is a feel good book that makes you appreciate what you have. You feel everything that Savannah and Kayden feel-their happiness, sadness, anger and passion. 

This book definitely ends with a happily ever after! Savannah and Kayden get everything they've ever wanted. Great job Danielle!

Sunday, November 3, 2013

In A Heartbeat by Liz King



**ARC RECEIVED FOR AN HONEST REVIEW**

In a Heartbeat by Liz King is her debut novel and wow is all I can say. This story is full of sadness, heart break, redemption and love. The plot and characters draw you in and keep you focused on their story. We get to see the growth of both characters, Lynae and Connor. 

The prologue reveals the pain Lynae experiences at such a young age and then fast forwards to the present time. She keeps to herself and has a few friends but you can tell she's scared to let anyone in until she meets the sexy, beautiful, broken and panty dropping Connor. 

When the two meet at a club, their attraction for one another is evident but then Lynae runs away because of a flashback from her past that still looms in her life. You think that Connor doesn't come back because she freaks him out but you're wrong. Connor sees Lynae again and wow hello!

With my finger still in my mouth I look up and see Connor standing across the street staring at me. Hie eyes are burning like fire. He looks like he wants to devour me. 

His nickname for her is sexy and adorable-"sweetness."

Lynae's scared but slowly her walls break down and lets Connor in. Their love grows and it's incredible to read. They both truly love and care for each other. Connor protects her with everything he is and puts her first. He helps her grow and she helps Connor as well but then Connor's past creeps up on him and it begins to destroy their relationship. 

Towards the end, Connor's insecurities appear and you just want to kick him for being a freaking idiot but then he snaps out of it. The ending is so good but there's a cliffhanger! I can't believe the ending and it makes me want more!

Liz King brings an incredible story to us and I can't wait to read more from her. 

Buy links


Connect with Liz

The Thrill of It by Lauren Blakely



**ARC RECEIVED FOR AN HONEST REVIEW**

The Thrill of It by Lauren Blakely is a dual POV story following Harley and Trey. One night changed it all for two broken souls. 

The story starts with Harley and Trey, two broken souls trying to get through their lives and dark pasts. Harley is a high-priced call girl but she's a virgin. She's smart and beautiful but is being blackmailed by Miranda and she's constantly on her toes when it comes to her "mother." Her flashbacks about her childhood are sad and while reading, I wanted to reach into the book and slap her mother!

 Trey is a sex addict who looks at sex as a drug and a conquest. Trey is beyond sexy and beautiful. His story and strength is powerful. His relationship with his parents is also damaged but the story is heartbreaking and he tries to never give up. The love and feelings for Harley grow with each page. I love their connection and the process of their relationship. 

Both of their views are plagued by their pasts but they work together to move on and try to find happiness. Harley and Trey are great characters and the plot is captivating and keeps you drawn in. I love seeing their growth and downfalls.

I love the dual POV because we get to see what Harley and Trey are thinking and feeling. It's great to see both of their thoughts and understand what's going on. Lauren demonstrates their pain and struggle so well. She keeps you on the edge of your seat and keeps you wondering what's going on. They both struggle to be honest with each other and themselves. Their secrets haunt them daily and they need their fix to get through the day.

The Thrill of It is very different from her other books. It's dark and full of angst, betrayal, love and healing. It will make you laugh, cry, yell and nearly throw your reading device against the wall. There is a cliffhanger and I had to read it a few times! 



Connect with Lauren 




I'm With You by Glenna Maynard Review



**ARC RECEIVED FOR AN HONEST REVIEW**

Cutter and Bella are two broken souls walking around the world, trying to find meaning and purpose.

Bella experiences a great lost; losing her boyfriend Harlan to an accident that causes her to spend time in a hospital under the care of doctors. Her life is turned upside down and she's lost. She goes through the motions of everyday life until she meets Cutter at the bridge where he saves her. That moment brought me to tears. He holds her close and makes her promise him one year. His beautiful words are amazing and romantic. It's an instant attraction/crush.

There is a part in the story, their first time, where I had to stop reading. It took everything in me to finish the book and I'm so glad I did. Honestly, the darkness of that scene is necessary for this book. It portrays how broken Bella truly is but Cutter is her angel and he stays with her through it all.

Their love isn't like anything else. They go through the bad to get to the good. When we find out more about Cutter, it's something that stabs your heart and makes you break down and cry some more.

I wish there was more of a backstory between Bella and Harlan but I'm With You is a great story about finding love again and coming out of the darkness.

Guess what? NO CLIFFHANGER!


BUY LINKS


Get to know Glenna

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Blog stop with Courtney Giardina author of Tear Stained Beaches

I am so happy to have Courtney here today! She's the author of Tear Stained Beaches, a book about being able to forgive and move on. This book will hit your heart with laughter and tears.

Haylie Julian wants nothing more than to put her crumbling marriage back together. Chase used to be a fun-loving, light-hearted husband who has lately become an overworked attorney obsessed with climbing the corporate ladder. It isn’t long before Haylie starts waking up next to a man she barely knows. His secretive phone calls and late nights at the office leave her feeling alone and afraid of what he might be hiding. Ignoring his continuous pleas to just leave well enough alone, she continues to dig for answers…and discovers a heartbreaking truth. Struggling with what she has just learned, Haylie sets off to a quaint little North Carolina beach town to decide if her marriage can survive. It isn’t long after she arrives that her world is once again turned upside down, as Chase’s secret stares her right in the face. Tear Stained Beaches explores what happens when a marriage isn't the "happily ever after" you thought it was. Can trust be rebuilt? Can a wife forgive the ultimate betrayal?


Today we're going to talk about the Dos and Don'ts of a relationship with Courtney!


The dating world can be complicated. Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right in a sea of Wrongs is irritating and sometimes can make us give up on love all together. Now I don’t claim to be an expert by any means when it comes to love and commitment and making it work, but here are a few of my secrets for relationship Dos and Don’ts that will hopefully lead you in the direction of finally finding happiness.

Ladies: Don’t ask a guy a question you don’t want to hear the answer to. Like, does my butt look fat in those jeans. Because you know that if he says yes you aren’t going to appreciate his honesty. So lets just avoid the awkwardness altogether and leave those questions to your girlfriends.

Guys: Don’t express your inner most feelings via text message. If you want to pour your heart out to someone, do pick up the phone or better yet, sit down face to face and talk to them about it. If you can’t do this, than what it really means is you’re not ready to be in a serious relationship.

Ladies: You know how sometimes you fawn over Christian Grey, Ryan Gossling or Matthew McConoughey? Well then you have to give your man the same courtesy and let him drool over Olivia Wilde, Mila Kunis or Adriana Lima. Don’t get mad at them for noticing a beautiful woman when when you know you’re guilty of the same thing. As a good friend once said to me, just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu. As long as their coming home to you at night, a little appreciation of the opposite sex won’t hurt anyone.

Guys: Don’t avoid the “what are we” talk. Yes, we know it’s awkward. It is even for us too. But in all honesty it needs to be had. If you’re four months in and neither of you know where you stand, there’s something wrong with that.

Ladies: Lets face it, sports will always be a huge part of your man’s life. It’s something that needs to be accepted from the get go. Sometimes you’re going to have to schedule dinner dates and love fests around the Superbowl, World Series or the Stanley Cup. Do let your man enjoy his games. He needs his freedom and his boys every now and then. And you will certainly earn bonus points for being the cool girl.

Guys: If you ever have to break a date, don’t lie about the reason. Just be honest, she’ll appreciate you more for it. Value her enough to tell her the truth. Do make sure it’s a good excuse, because I guarantee you she’ll find out eventually.

For the both of us: If you’re just not that into them, do be real and upfront about it. There’s nothing worse than being led on. It all hurts more in the end and really it’s just time wasted when you both could have been looking for the right person.

For both of us: If you say you’re going to do something, dofollow through on your word because let me tell you, your word is all you have. And if you can’t stand by it and can’t be trusted with it, relationships are never going to work.


About Courtney

Courtney Giardina was born and raised just outside ofRochester,NY where she jumped and tumbled her way through school as a gymnast and cheerleader. She credits cheering under the lights on Friday nights as the reason for her love of football. Realizing that becoming a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader was probably not a realistic ambition, Courtney decided to take her creative talents down a different route. In May 2012 she traded cold, snowy winters for extremely humid summers in Charlotte, North Carolina and worked early mornings and late nights on top of a full-time job to create Tear Stained Beaches. When she’s not in the midst of writing songs, poems or debut novels, Courtney enjoys being in front of the camera as an actress, running 5Ks and singing loudly to country music in her Jeep. In her world, everywhere is a stage.


Courtney Giardina

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Twitter:
@sweetangeleyz

Amazon Link
Tear Stained Beaches Giveaway 
Tear Stained Beaches explores what happens when a marriage isn’t the happily-ever-after you thought it was. Can trust be rebuilt? Can a wife forgive the ultimate betrayal?
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Friday, September 27, 2013

Holding Onto You book 2 in the Never Letting Go Series


Make sure you pick up your copy!
 
Buy Links:
 
 
 



~~~Editorial Reviews

“Holding Onto You will entice you to learn more about Sophia and Adam in Reaching Out For You. The building of a foundation is what a great relationship needs. Holding Onto You lays that foundation. S. Moose lays a great foundation for Adam and Sophia in Holding Onto You.”
-Stephanie’s Book Reports

"A nice companion to Reaching Out For You, S.Moose's novella, Holding Onto You gives you an inside look at Adam's feelings for Sophia where you were not allowed into that side of the story before. I loved it, as any chance we get to see the male's POV in a book is great, and you can feel Adam's love for Sophia in every page of this short story. He really can't live without her."
-Kellie, My Fictional Boyfriend & Book Whore Page

“This is true love, "I would walk through the oceans and the depths of hell just to see that smile on her face." Sweet story of a boy after the love of his life. This book was so sweet, can't wait for the next!”
-Jodi, Butterflies, Books & Dreams

“True love knows no time or distance. Holding onto you is a sweet romance about finding your first love and never letting go.”
-Glenna Maynard, author of The Masquerade Series

"I love how I got to read what Adam thinks and feel his emotions on dealing the issues and bringing back Sophia into his life."
-Myra, Ms.ME28

“Holding Onto You is a sweetly addicting read! I absolutely loved these characters and didn’t want it to end.”
-Mary, Mary Elizabeth’s Crazy Book Obsession

“A touching love story that begins in childhood and blossoms into adulthood told from Adam’s point of view.”
-Jennifer, Read and Share Book Reviews

“Refreshing, enlightening, revealing. We learn more about Adam from his POV and how much his heart belongs to Sophia.”
-Danielle, Just Booked

“Amazing! This book shows so much growth from the first one, and I was happy to see things from Adam’s POV.”
-Dawn Martens author of Derek, co-author of the Resisting Love Series and Love Song Series

“Holding Onto You is a short, sweet story that will toy with your emotions! It’s the perfect edition to the Never Letting Go series and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I can’t wait to read more!”
-Kendall, Book Crazy

“Heartfelt and emotional. Holding Onto You shows that love transcends time and distance.”
-Liz, Romance Addiction

“It's a beautiful POV of Adam, a story that pulls at your heart. The emotions described in the book is emotional with determination, it's left me wanting more! Looking forward to reading more books by S.Moose. Truly a talented writer with a bright future.”
-Rose, Forever Me Romance

Chapter 1 of Teach Me Love




Jacob

 

“Fuck Heather! You’re fired!” I’m pacing around my large office rubbing my face with my hands and trying to calm down. I hear her whimpering behind me and I tune her out.  I look out the window and see the harbor to try and find solace and peace. The light waves are flowing through the crystal blue waters and some boats are sailing by. The March skies are clear and the sun is out, it’s oddly warm today. Watching the outside world helps me relax when I feel as if I’m about to explode. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. I feel hands on my shoulder and I turn around to see Katherine smiling at me.

“Jacob, be nice.”

Before I can say anything, she disappears.

Okay Katherine, I’ll try to relax. I can be a better person.

I try to calm down but she’s nearly cost me a five million dollar deal!

“Bu-bu-but Mr. Greene, I told you about that conference months ago! I sent a reminder to your cell phone and I texted you the information. I’m sorry.”

I take a deep breath and look at her. Why the fuck is she crying? I don’t do tears. I hate when women cry. What’s the point of crying? It doesn’t solve anything and makes the situation worse because it shows your guilt and you’re admitting you did something wrong. Her eyes are frantic and her body is shaking. I want to tell her to stop looking to try and show that she didn’t do anything wrong but I’ve already hurt her feelings and my mind is made up. I know I’m being harsh and I should be more understanding but that’s not how life works. It’s not all sunshine and roses. Life’s a bitch and you either have to go with it or it will swallow you whole.

People think I’m heartless but I don’t have time to babysit. I’m running a multimillion-dollar empire and always need to be on point. There’s no such thing as mistakes and any mistakes that are made shows, to me, your lack of care and dedication. Yes, I have high expectations but success is my only goal. Success is the only thing I know.

My little brother, Logan, and I have been running Greene Publishing for two years. We’ve been successful since day one and I want to keep it that way. Logan is the brains of the operation while I go out and attract potential clients. Our clients are bestselling authors and we are always striving to ensure they are being represented in the best light and are highly promoted. Yes, I’m an asshole but I have a business to run. I need competent and hard working people on my team.

When I turn back around, I see her shaking and I really feel like an asshole but I need someone who can take my shit. “Heather, please stop.” I come around my desk and lean against it. I try and calm my tone. She’s a great assistant. She’s been my personal assistant for the past two months. I like her drive and motivation. This is the first time she’s made an error, but I don’t want her, or any of my other employees for that matter, to think this error is okay. I wish I can give her another chance but I can’t afford these screw-ups. What will it be next time? She’s young and I thought I could hone her into the way I need her to be, but that failed. The emotions need to go! “You don’t want to work for me. Look at you.” I place my hands on my desk and look at her. “I need someone who can fight back and won’t cry when they hear my voice.” I pause. The fear and panic in her brown eyes draw out a little guilt in me. “Pack up your things and I’ll make sure you’ll be taken care of for the next few months.” I turn to my computer and open up my emails.

“I’m sorry Mr. Greene. I just want you to know...” She pauses and takes in a breath. “I just want you to know I did my best with you. I hope you find the person you need.” Heather gets up and slowly walks out of my office. I pull my hands through my hair and lean back in my chair. “Fuck,” I mutter. “What the hell am I suppose to do now?” I just fired my personal assistant. I can’t keep my shit together on my own.

I look at the picture on my desk and I feel myself ready to break down. I pick up the picture frame and touch her face. My eyes scan the picture, trying to find reason and answering the questions in my head. Why isn’t she here with me?

Katherine.

It’s almost been three years since I lost my heart and I’m still fighting the pain and brokenness that’s inside of me.

My life was turned upside down when I lost Katherine that heart breaking night. When I buried Katherine, my heart went along with her. Life didn’t have meaning and it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t know who I was without Katherine and everyone looked faceless to me. My family was there to help but I shut everyone out because I didn’t care. I drowned myself in work, alcohol and women but then Katherine started showing up last year and slowly I’m getting better but I still felt heartless.

Those emerald eyes. That beautiful smile and her beautiful soul.

“Katherine I miss you every day. I wish you were still here with me.” I put down the picture and drop my head. There’s not a day that goes by when she doesn’t cross my mind. My life is empty and it’s hard to find true meaning. It’s hard to believe that she’s gone and the saying that time heals all wounds is bullshit. She’s still the last person on my mind before I go to bed and the first on my mind when I wake up.

Her family still won’t talk to me. They blame me for everything. In their eyes, I’m the reason why Katherine isn’t here. Her older brother, Ryan, even threatened to kill me if he ever saw me again.

I have all the money in the world but the emptiness I feel keeps me awake at night. All the women I’ve been with cannot fill the void and numbness I feel. I’m sick of the emotionless sex and vain women who only want me to promote themselves in the business of beauty and fame. I fuck them when they come to town. Treat them to dinner. Spoil them with jewelry and shopping. They all want to be Mrs. Greene and try their hardest to move into my life. Permanently.  But no one compares to Katherine; no one can ever take her place. No, no one will be able to take her place because in my heart she’s still here. I’ll never love anyone the way I love Katherine.

I run my hands through my hair and try to refocus. I turn back to my computer and open up the messaging system.

Me: Get in my office now.

Logan: Yes captain.

I take out my phone and look through my business contacts I can call to see if anyone has someone available for me but I don’t want to explain myself so I put away my phone and wait for Logan to come into my office. This is what I get for letting my fucking temper take over. I can’t win and anger management classes are pointless. Once a week I go to these classes and sit there to talk about feelings and ways to better manage people. Please someone blow me. It’s a waste of time, but Mother insists to be a people person I need to attend these meetings. How can I talk about my feelings and emotions when I don’t have feelings? I hate talking. I hate people.  If the conversation isn’t going to make me millions then I don’t care. There are only a few people I can trust in this world-my family. I do have a heart for them and I love what they have sacrificed for Logan and me.

Logan steps in my office and sits down. His brown hair, green eyes and boyish charm used to make the ladies swoon but he only has eyes for one woman now - Hayden, my lovely sister-in-law.

There used to be a different woman on his arm every day. I think some women even proposed to him. But when he met Hayden, she showed him a new world that broke everything inside of him. She helped calm my ex playboy little brother. Hayden took him by storm and we all love her. She and I instantly connected. I told her all about Katherine and how I felt. She has tried to set me up on dates but when I looked at these women, I realized they were not Katherine and lost all interest before getting to know them. I’m sure they were wonderful women but I wasn’t ready to move on and I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to.

I turn and look at Logan. He rests his foot on his knee and makes himself comfortable on my sofa. I see him smirking at me while playing with his tie. “What’d you do now, big brother?”

I run my hand through my wavy brown hair and squeeze the space between my eyes. This is going to be bad. Mother is going to have a conniption. She loves Heather. “I let Heather go,” I mumble.

Logan lets out a thunderous laugh. “You cannot keep firing your assistants! That’s what, six already? Man, stop being a jerk.”

He’s right. I need to stop being a jerk and give people a chance but when you do that, you get taken advantage of and people are greedy little shits. “I don’t need this right now Logan. Get me someone!”

Logan leans forward. I know what he’s going to say. I don’t have time to listen to his advice. “When are you going to trust someone?”

“I trust people.” I turn back to my computer to avoid Logan’s stare. My family wants the best for me. I get that. But this is what I know. “Will you please find me someone? I would appreciate that.”

Logan looks at me with worry in his eyes. “I know I joke around a lot but are you okay Jacob?”

I look down at my keyboard. Am I okay? I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. “It’s almost been three years since I’ve lost her. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Logan.”

I hear Logan getting up and walking towards me. The tears come back. I don’t think I can ever let her go. “Jacob, you need to stop beating yourself up. It was an accident. I know you miss her. We all do. But when are you going to start living again?” I don’t respond because I have no idea how to live my life anymore. It’s work Monday through Saturday and on Sunday I spend the day with my family. “Why don’t you and Mila spend the day together on Friday? Friday she has a half-day at preschool and I’m sure she’ll love to spend time with her Uncle Jacob. Hayden already has you on the allowed list to pick her up. She’s been asking about you.”  My adorable, blonde hair, green-eyed niece Mila is the light of my life. When she was born four years ago she became the reason why I get out of bed. She’s the only girl in my life. “I’d like that Logan, thank you.”

He pats my shoulder before heading out of my office so I get some more work done. I respond to a few emails but my mind goes back to Katherine and how I wish she were here.

By the time six o’clock comes around, I shut off my computer, gather up my things and head out of the office. Gary, my driver, is waiting for me outside.

 “Evening Mr. Greene,” he says when opening the car door for me.

“Thanks Gary.” I get in the car when my cell phone starts ringing. I look at who is calling.

Audrina. Supermodel. Sexy. Long blonde hair. Deep chestnut colored eyes.

“Hello, Audrina. To what do I owe this surprise?”

“Jacob,” she seductively replies. “I’m coming to town tomorrow. Usual spot?”

I close my eyes and lean my head back. Damn.

The last time we were together I fucked her. Hard. We were in her hotel room all night. A night full of hot fucking. I fucked her in every position imaginable. I loved her riding my cock. She knew what she was doing. Hearing her scream my name made me come hard and fast. I remembered her luscious lips around my dick. She sucked me and put it all the way in the back of her throat.

“Tomorrow night. Eight o’clock.” I hang up the phone before she can respond. I need a release. It’s been nearly three weeks since being with a woman.

Gary pulls into the garage and parks the SUV next to my black Audi. He comes around and opens the door for me. “Gary, take the rest of the night off. I’ll be in for the evening.”

“Sounds good, Mr. Greene. Call me if you need anything.”

We shake hands. “Will do. Have a nice evening.”

I go into my building and get in the elevator. I press the PH button and wait while the elevator travels up to my floor. I start taking off my green tie and unbuttoning my gray shirt.

Ding.

The doors open and I walk straight to my loft. When I open the door, a delicious smell hits my face. “Madison?” I put my briefcase down and take off my suit jacket. “Madison, are you here?”

I go into the kitchen and there is my best friend at the stove, pulling out a pizza. She turns her head my way and smiles. “Hey, you. I thought I’d come over and make you dinner.”

I walk to her and kiss her on the cheek. “Thanks, Madison, I appreciate it, but don’t you have a date or something tonight?”

Madison puts down the pizza and leans against the counter. “Had a date. I found out the asshole is married and wanted me to be his dirty little secret. Please!”

I start laughing as I walk to the fridge. “Beer?”

“Please.”

Madison has been there for me since I lost Katherine. We met in college in a business class. It was an instant connection with her but nothing romantic ever happened. I saw her as my best friend and she was there for me whenever I needed her. I don’t know where I’d be without her. Everyone joked around that she liked me but I didn’t see it. She was a great friend who made sure I was okay.

She’s beautiful and every man’s dream. Long brown hair, hazel eyes, lean and curvy, but it’s not there for me; she isn’t Katherine.

Madison sets up plates on the kitchen table while I sit down and take a swig of my beer. “Thanks again for doing this. I didn’t get a chance to eat dinner.”

She serves me two slices of pizza before sitting down. “No problem, best friend. How’s everything going?”

I take another drink before answering her. “I fired Heather. It’s been almost three years since Katherine. So how do you think everything is going?”

Madison moves closer to me and throws her arms around my neck. “I’m sorry Jacob, but you might want to think about moving on with your life. Katherine would want you to be happy.”

We sit there for the rest of the night as I listen to her talk about her job and what she’s been up to. I can’t think about anything else but what she said. How can I just move on? Would Katherine want me to be happy?

I walk Madison out and she tells me to text her anytime if I need anything. I give her a kiss on her cheek and walk away. When I get back inside, I take a long hot shower and think about what’s been going on. I should move on. It’s been three years but something keeps holding me back - my guilt and fears. I don’t want to bring anyone else down. I don’t want to hurt anyone else.

I get out of the shower and get ready for bed. I throw on my blue boxers and slide under the covers. Eleven eighteen. I close my eyes and fall asleep.

“Jacob, why didn’t you save me?” The tears roll down from her pale cheeks as she tries to grab my hand.

“Katherine, wait please! I’m sorry!” The fog sets in front of us. I can’t see her. I can’t see anything. I wave my hands in the air to move the fog but it doesn’t work. “Katherine! Please come back!”

I quickly sit up and look around the room. There’s no one here except for me. I look at the clock on my nightstand and see that it only reads two forty-five a.m. I rub my eyes and lay back down but I can’t fall back asleep. This is how it is every night. The same dream comes to me and each time it ends the same; I can never save her. I get out of bed and head to the closet. I pull out a photo album and look through the pictures of how life should have been.

Her smile.

That smile still makes my heart beat faster. How am I supposed to live without her? I put the album away, walk back to bed, and turn on the television and try to fall back asleep.

                                                            *****

Eight o’clock. She comes through the doors of Tavern Seven. She is wearing a tight, plunging neckline red dress. I get up and walk to her. My lips touch her cheek, “Audrina.”

“Hello Jacob,” she purrs, “You look delicious tonight.”

“As do you. Come sit.” I place my hand on the small part of her back and guide her to my table. It’s in the corner of the restaurant so no one will bother us. I take a drink of my scotch as she strokes my thigh.

 “I miss you,” Audrina whispers in my ear, “I can’t wait for tonight.”

I immediately finish my drink, leave a fifty on the table and take her hand. “Let’s go.”

Gary sees me coming and gets out opening the car door for us. I lead Audrina in and move in after her. She runs her hand through my hair and rests her other hand on my thigh. A seductive smile comes across her face as she licks her bottom lip and comes closer to me. Her lips graze my ear down my neck. I want her but never have been one to fuck in the back seat of my car yet tonight may be an exception. Gary knows where to take me. He puts in his ear buds and starts driving. Without saying anything Audrina gets on the carpeted floor and pushes my legs apart. Her hands are on my belt and pants. She takes off the belt and unbuttons my pants. I put my hands behind my head and let her do whatever the fuck she wants to me. One hand is pulling down my pants and boxers while the other is stroking my long erection. She grabs me with both of her hands and slowly wraps her succulent lips around my hard member and twirls her tongue around the head. The moans of pleasure coming from her lips get me harder. She pulls me towards her and lodges my cock deep in her throat. A guttural groan escapes my throat, “Fuck Audrina.” I push her head down further and make her take me all the way in. Damn her mouth feels good on me. I push her off me and she looks at me with confusion. My fingers are gripping her chin and I force her to look at me. “I want you to beg me. Tell me you want my dick in your mouth. Tell me I’m the best.”

Audrina’s eyes grow wide and pools with desire. “You’re the best Jacob. I. Only. Want. You.” She opens her mouth again and takes me in. Within seconds I explode in her mouth. She swallows everything I release, licking me clean. “I hope I can always make you happy.” I help her up from her knees and smile.

“Of course.” I straighten my clothes and pull out my cell phone to check my messages. I see her from the corner of my eyes and she’s staring at me. “Can I help you with something?” I ask with irritation and annoyance in my tone.

She simply shakes her head and looks out the window. I notice the uncomfortable silence and it’s beginning to bother me but I don’t think too much about it. I ignore her for the rest of the ride.

Gary pulls up to the Hilton where Audrina is staying. We immediately take the elevator to the top floor Presidential suite. The room is rather large with a rich wood d├ęcor living area, a dining room table, a private office and a wet bar. The windows provide a fabulous view of Columbia’s Historic District.
 
 

I walk to the wet bar and pour myself a glass of scotch. I bring the glass to my lips and in one gulp finish my drink. I close my eyes and feel nothing. I pour myself another glass, repeating this process four times.

“Jacob.” I turn around and see Audrina in nothing but a lacey black bra and lace black panties. Her body is fucking phenomenal. Her perky breasts are calling out to my mouth. I look her over from her face down to her black stilettos. “I’m ready for you.” She gives me her sexy grin. I place the glass down and stroll over to her.

“You better be ready tonight.” I grab Audrina and toss her on the couch, standing in front of her, “Go ahead. Take off my clothes. Now!” I say with a forceful yet sexy demand.

Quickly, my pants and boxers come off. Just before she can touch me again, I grab her hands. “Lean back.” I force her back against the sofa. I take off my shirt and toss it aside. She’s ready for me. Her legs spread and I rip her panties off. “You don’t need this,” I say. I kiss her inner thighs tenderly and make my way to her juiciness. My greedy tongue licks her wetness. I twirl it around her clit as I plunged my tongue into her. 

I immediately stop what I’m doing and bring my head up to look at her. “Stop. Moving.”

She gives me a nod and I prop each of her legs up on my shoulders. I insert two fingers into her and my possessive tongue glides against her soft skin. I spread her legs wider and play with her clit with my skillful tongue.

“Jacob. Oh my God, keep going. Yes! Yes!” I stop licking her. “What are you doing?”

“Shhhh,” I flip her over and slap her ass a few times. I know she loves what I’m doing from hearing her moans. Audrina spreads her legs for me and I lift her ass is in the air.

“You know what I like Jacob,” she states, “Please Jacob, I’m begging you.”

I pull her ass to me and penetrate deep in her beautiful ass. God she is so tight. I go in faster and hear her screaming my name. She’s telling me to go harder and faster. I do what she says, “Fuck Audrina!”

“Keep going!” Her breathing is all over and her moans are loud.

I grip her ass and pump myself in her. The excitement she is showing gets me going and my throbbing cock is ready to explode. A few more thrusts and I spill myself in her. I gently pull myself out of her and head to the bathroom. I grab a washcloth and turn on the faucet. I let the water soak the washcloth and look into the mirror. I look at the man standing before me and cringe with regret and sorrow. I don’t want to continue this life and the meaningless sex.  I get myself clean and wash my hands. When I come out, I see her picking up my clothes and setting them aside.

She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my waist. “Are you going to spend the night with me?” Her voice is hopeful and she kisses my bare chest.

I grab her arms and untangle them from my waist. “No,” I simply respond. I see the disappointment in her eyes and I have to look away from her. Why is she falling for me? I have an ugly heart and soul. The coldness takes over my body and the tension rises. No one can ever love a beast of a man and I don’t know how to love anymore. How can I love another person when I can’t love myself?

I get my clothes and start putting on my pants and shirt. Just as I am about to button my shirt, Audrina comes to me and pushes my hands away. “Here, let me.” She finishes buttoning my shirt and looks at me. “Jacob,” she starts to say, “When are you going to open your eyes?”

I take her hands and place my finger under her chin. There are tears in her eyes. Fuck. Again? “Audrina, you know I can’t love you. I can’t give you my heart. I can shower you with gifts. Have you travel the world. Help you with your career but that’s it.” I give her a kiss on her forehead and head out of her hotel room without feeling anything but regret.
 
Teach Me Love
Copyright © 2013 by S. Moose
 
 

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Sunday, September 8, 2013

Chapter 1-Holding Onto You

**SUBJECT TO CHANGE AND UNEDITED**
Chapter 1
I twirled my phone in my hands and looked up at my ceiling. My pretty girl was running through my mind and I wondered how she was doing. I hated that she was hurting and there wasn’t much I could do. The last time I saw her, she cried in my arms and I kept telling her everything would be okay but she shook her head and told me she was slowly losing everything. I never asked her what she meant but after that night, I gave her the space I thought she needed. I haven’t talked to her in a few days and I know she’s pissed. Her mom’s funeral was tough for me to handle and I didn’t know what to say to her family. I gave them my condolences and held her while she cried but afterward I went home. She needed to be with her family. I’m only seventeen. Emotions and I didn’t go hand in hand. I sat up on my bed and opened my text messages.
Me: Hey pretty girl. How you holding up? Miss you.

Damn. I fucking missed her. I thought about her all the time. My brother, Connor, wanted me to tell her how I felt and I was going to but then her mom died. I couldn’t just go up to her and say, “Oh hey sorry about your mom but I love you and want you to be my girlfriend.” Real romantic. I looked at my phone and she hasn’t responded.

I got up from my bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen. When I opened the fridge, there was a box of garlic pizza waiting to be eaten. I took it out and sat down. Cold pizza was the best invention. Right as I was going to devour my food I heard my name.

“ADAM FRANKLIN SIMPSON!”

Shit Sophia? I dropped my pizza and walked outside. I smiled as I walked towards her. She looked beautiful as usual. Her long blonde hair was in soft curls and her blazing eyes made me weak. Tonight was the night. I was going to take her in my arms, tell her how much I missed her and that I wanted to be her boyfriend and best friend. “Pretty girl? I texted you.” Before I could say more, she came out me and started punching my chest.

She screamed and cried with each punch to my chest. “Why! Why! Where were you? I need you Adam! My mom just fucking died!”

I was shocked and didn’t know what to do or say. I thought that if I left her alone to be with her family would be the best thing. I hated seeing my pretty girl fall apart. We’ve been friends since we were babies. It was always us against the world and every memory I had was with her. How could you not have thought I was ignoring her?  I hated that she was sad and broken. “Sophia, stop! I thought that you needed time with your family.” I stayed calm and stroked her arms like I used to do when she was sad. It usually calmed her down but this time there was a distance between her and I even though we were inches from one another.

She came close to my face. I smelled alcohol. Fuck, she was drunk. “You’re the worst person ever! Why didn’t you stay with me after the funeral? I needed you Adam. You’re supposed to be my best friend!”

I saw her hand raise up and the emptiness in her eyes. This wasn’t Sophia anymore; this was someone who was full of malice and hate.

She slapped me across the face.

Whack!
What the hell was her deal? I looked at her with my mouth wide open. I was pissed and ready to walk away but when I saw how sad she was I couldn’t move. Sophia’s hold on me was undeniable. I would walk through the oceans and the depths of hell just to see that smile on her face. My hands were searching for her, to find her again. I felt her body twitching and it grew cold with each passing second. Everything was spiraling out of control and I felt my world crashing down.

I knew she was down and depressed. Her sister, Sarah, was letting me know how she was holding up. I moved closer to her and tried to comfort her to let her know she’s not alone. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and take the pain away. “Soph, I thought you wanted to be alone and be with your dad and Sarah. I’m sorry, but you need to calm down.” I tried touching her face but she slapped my hand away. “You are my best friend. I don’t know what else you want from me?”

She pushed me. “You’re such an asshole, Adam!” She punched me in the face and cried out loud how much she hated me. I touched my cheek and felt the throbbing. What the hell was her problem?
I threw my arms in the air and couldn’t contain my anger. “How am I being an asshole? I thought giving you some space to spend time with your family was the right thing to do. This is too much to handle Soph. You’re all over the place. One minute you’re happy and then you’re mad! What’s your problem? I didn’t do anything wrong to you! I gave you space and you should know that I would be here if you needed me. Stop being such a crazy bitch!”

Damn. I knew I’m going too far but she needed to calm down. This wasn’t my pretty girl and I was pissed. There was rage and uncontrolled emotions surging through my body. How was she blaming me for this shit?

“Sophia, stop pushing me.” I grabbed her hands and placed them on my chest. “We’re best friends, remember? I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you like I should have been, but, I’m here now.”

She pushed away from me and pointed a finger in my face. “See! Asshole.” She stayed close to my face. I looked down and saw her clenched fists. “You admit that you should have been there for me! I told you! I’m losing everything. I don’t have anyone Adam. Everyone is shunning me and no one wants to deal with me. Do you know that my fucking dad put me in therapy? No you didn’t because I couldn’t call you and tell you. What happened, Adam? All because I’m damaged and a hot mess you don’t want to deal with me, is that it?” Her eyes were on fire and her voice was demonic. I was speechless and wasn’t sure where all of the nonsense was coming from.

“Sophia!” I tried to bring her in for a hug but she pushed my arms away.

“No! You do not have the right to touch me! I don’t have anyone. My mom is gone and you left me Adam!” I don’t see her fist until it was too late. She punched me hard on my cheek. I stumbled back and fell on my ass. She was crying so hard and I saw Connor running out of the house.

He picked up Sophia and walked her away from me. Sophia’s body was swaying all over as she tried to get out of his hold. “Connor what the fuck?”

Connor put her down and placed his hands on her shoulders. He looked at her for a few moments before talking. “Sophia, go home. You’re drunk and we didn’t do anything wrong.” Connor brought her into his arms and held her tight. “We’re supposed to all be friends, so why are you doing this?” His voice was soft and fragile. I knew he was hurting just as I was.

I got up from the ground and looked at her again. She was broken. My pretty girl wasn’t there anymore. It was like she was possessed by darkness. Nothing seemed right. How could I let go of seventeen years of friendship? She should’ve known that I never wanted to leave her side. I wanted to be there for her. She got out of Connor’s arms, looked at me and walked away. I couldn’t move from where I was standing. Seconds passed and I was about to run after her but Connor held me back.

“Dude, let it go. She’s so fucked up right now.” He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me back in the kitchen. We sat down at the table. I slumped in my chair. How could I just let her walk away? “She’s been drinking a lot. Her dad found her in the bathroom passed out.”

“Connor, she fucking needs me!”

“Dude, stop. We’re leaving for Boston next month. Come on. You know I love Sophia just like you but what she did tonight was fucked up and you know it.” Connor took a slice of pizza and went to the microwave to warm it up. “Maybe one day we will all be friends again, but Adam come on. She went crazy on you.” He went to the freezer and threw me a bag of frozen peas.

“I should’ve been there. She was a mess at the funeral.” I looked down at my phone and I wanted to text her but something held me back. Sophia had too many issues and I couldn’t deal with it. All of the drama and childish games were stupid. Connor was right. I didn’t do anything wrong. She went crazy on me for what reason? I tried to be there for her but there was only so much I could do. I grabbed a bottle of vodka from the liqueur cabinet and twisted the bottle cap off. I brought the bottle to my lips and started chugging. The burning liquid went down my throat and into my stomach. I placed the bottle down on the counter and put my head down. I took my phone out again from my back pocket and brought up Sophia’s number. I looked at the keyboard on my phone but before I could figure out what I wanted to say, I threw my phone across the kitchen. It hit the wall and smashed into two pieces.

“Fuck!” I punched the counter and felt helpless.

Fuck, pretty girl-I will find my way back to you. One day.

*****
“Ugh,” I moaned. My head was on fire. I slowly opened my eyes and was in a familiar place. The soft leather chairs were cool to my skin. The large windows poured the sunlight into the room. There were pictures of happy times all over. Pictures of beaches and the sunset. Family and friends. “Fuck.” I knew where I was.

“How ya doing, killer?”

I looked up and saw Sarah looking at me. Fuck. “Hey,” I say weakly. “Where’s Sophia?” Crap. What the fuck happened? Why am I here at Sophia’s?

I heard Sarah sigh. “She left an hour ago, babe.” Fuck again. “She, um, was a mess. Hung over much?”

I sat up on the couch and rubbed my face. “What happened?”

Sarah came over and sat next to me. She pulled her legs up and tucked them under her. “I guess you got really drunk and Sophia found you in your car. You hit a tree. My dad is at the shop now getting it fixed. Don’t worry, your parents don’t know.”

Fuck! Fuck! Why was this shit happening? “Sophia saved me?”

Sarah nodded. “She brought you back here and made sure you were okay. You guys are idiots! Fucking Sophia’s been crying every night and screaming your name in her sleep. Dude get your shit together!”

I took the pillow behind my back and chucked it across the room. She was right. My pretty girl was hurting but there was nothing I could do.

Doctor Burns pulled in with my car. I walked outside with my hands in my pockets.

“How are you feeling, son?” Doctor Burns shut my car door and walked towards me.

“Fine. Thank you, sir. I do appreciate your help.” I felt nothing but embarrassment. Ever since Mrs. Burns died, that happiness in his eyes died with her. He was always a happy and great man, but now, he looked defeated and tired.

I extended my hand out and we shook hands. “Anytime, son. Now just be careful, ya hear?”

“Understood sir. How much do I owe you?” I started going for my wallet but he stopped me.

“No worries, Adam.” He patted my shoulder and walked back into the house.

I turned around and gave the house one last look. Tomorrow I was on a plane to Boston.