Thursday, July 3, 2014

Love triangles

Love triangles...Lately I've been thinking about this topic and I blame it on the amazing Molly McAdams.

So I reread Taking Chances and Stealing Harper. Then I finished Sharing You. It gets me thinking-so many people frown on this topic yet it's reality...It happens.

In life, sometimes we're lucky to find that one person who steals our heart and makes life better. It's a great feeling, but what happens when you have two people who you love? Is that possible?

Before I got married, I dated my on again/off again boyfriend for three years. We'll call him "Jack." I thought we were going to be happy and in love forever-oh to be young and naive. Well, we broke up before our senior year in high school and stopped talking. I was broken and it sucked. I lost my V card to him and thought everything would be great from that moment on...I was wrong...I then started dating and it was fun, but then "Jack" and I found each other again thus throwing us into another relationship.

Well long story short, after my trip to Texas to visit him, I was an idiot and I cheated on him because I was drunk. To make matters worse, he's in the Air Force. I felt like a complete idiot. I mean I have this amazing boyfriend who is serving our country and loves me, but one stupid decision and I lose him. I was going to move to Florida and we were going to get married and have our own happily ever after. We got back together, but broke up again.

Life sucks and people make the worse decisions.

During my relationship with "Jack" I met Kevin and we became instant best friends. He came over to the house all the time because his best friend was dating my sister so the summer 2006 involved me with "Jack" and seeing Kevin.

After "Jack" Broke up with me, Kevin and I decided to start dating and "Jack" moved on as well. When he came back to visit a few months after our breakup, we met and talked...Decided to be friends. A few years later he's married and expecting his first child. Sure I was sad and wasn't sure how to handle the news. I had Kevin and he had his family, but I never stopped thinking of him. We went years without talking.

About two years ago we reconnected and caught up. His wife was not happy and Kevin was okay with us talking-yet something was off. I felt like I was in a love triangle, especially when he told me he still loved me and missed me. I was thrown off and didn't know what to do. Needless to say, Kevin was not happy and told me no more. I listened...But when we'd fight I turned to "Jack." I was emotionally cheating on my soon-to-be husband. It was an battle between both guys. Kevin hated "Jack" and "Jack" hated Kevin. "Jack's" wife wasn't too fond of me either and we talked. It wasn't the best time of my life and I didn't know what to do...Until "Jack" asked if I would ever leave my now husband and go back to him. I sat there in my office and cried. You never forget the boy who stole your heart and shared an intimate time with. "Jack" will always be in my heart, but I made the decision to end things and focus on my life with Kevin.

What's the point of this post? Love triangles happen. It sucks and people make decisions without thinking sometimes. Do I wish things were different? Yes, I miss "Jack" but know it's not healthy to be in that situation. I don't regret the past because our past shapes our present and future.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

SILK-New York Times & USA Today Bestselling List

Yesterday, me and ten authors, found out our amazing anthology hit #149 on the USA Today Bestselling List and #22 on the New York Times Bestselling List. This is a dream come true!

SILK includes 11 sexy stories with 11 sexy new book boyfriends. Working with Melissa Andrea, E.K Blair, Melissa Collins, Sarah Dosher, LP Dover, Carey Heywood, Sandi Lynn, Heidi McLaughlin, Jenni Moen & Whitney G was incredible. These women are truly talented and inspirational. In this author world we experience several ups and downs, but with these women it was nothing but laughs, hard work & togetherness. 

SILK includes <3

Meet the men: 

• Ryland Dare (The Edge of Darkness): A privileged boy living a life of lies. 
• Reid Connely (Let Love In): A gorgeous and darkly mysterious college senior who understands pain all too well. 
• Deacon Chastain (A Blue Tale): A guitar player saved from a path of destruction by his rock idol and the music he creates. 
• Connor Simpson (Next to Forever): A fiancĂ© who seems to have it all until he’s faced with one of the toughest decisions of his life. 
• Brett Walker (Trusting You): A one-night stand who wants more finds himself put to the test when his past threatens his future. 
• Adam Hill (Remembering Joy): A brooding and strangely charming film student set on revenge finds love where he least expects it. 
• Ryan Campbell (Falling): An abuse survivor living in a world of his own creation so he doesn’t have to feel. 
• Harrison James (My Unexpected Forever): A single dad with few expectations other than raising his son and making some music along the way until the unexpected happens. 
• Adam Burke (Better): An adventurer who works just enough to fund his next circle around the globe gets an opportunity he can't refuse. The only catch? He won't be traveling alone this time. 
• Luke Matthews (Love In Between): A guitar player grieving the loss of his fiancĂ©e after a tragic car accident no longer believes in love. 
• Jonathan Statham (Mid Life Love): A self-made billionaire and CEO of Statham Industries used to getting whatever he wants—whenever he wants. 
Find out their stories in these eleven, previously released, full-length novels about regret, revenge, forgiveness, and ultimately, love: 
The Edge of Darkness by Melissa Andrea
 Let Love In by Melissa Collins
 A Blue Tale by Sarah Dosher
 Next to Forever by S. Moose
 Trusting You by L.P. Dover
 Remembering Joy by Jenni Moen
 Falling by E.K. Blair
 My Unexpected Forever by Heidi McLaughlin
 Better by Carey Heywood 
Love in Between by Sandi Lynn
 Mid Life Love by Whitney G. 

For $0.99 readers are able to read their favorite story and find new authors. 

Now there's some question about if authors without the bestselling titles should or shouldn't use it. Well here's my opinion-USE IT. Honestly, USA Today and New York Times put the anthology on their list and included all of us. We all worked hard and it's our words that have been included. Sure some people think the authors without a title "used the authors with the titles" but that's far from the truth. SILK and every anthology out there is a TEAM EFFORT-a GROUP EFFORT. So own the titles & be proud because making two bestselling lists is an amazing accomplishment & should be celebrated.

A New York Times & USA Today Bestseller <3

June 9, 2013 Happy One Year Pubversary to Me!

Yes I realize I'm 10 days late hehehe.

Wow I cannot believe its been one year since I hit publish on Reaching Out For You. I didn't really know what I was doing, and since then I've learned so much! Every day I'm learning something new and I would never change anything because we live and learn through our mistakes and experiences.

Since publishing Reaching Out For You, I hit publish 4 more times! FOUR! This journey has been incredible and I love it every single day. Sure I run into some issues, but you know what I feel blessed every day that I get to meet new people and follow my dreams.

Each book that I write connects to my life in one way or another. A piece of me is with you as you read and I can't thank you enough for taking a chance and supporting me.

With my fifth book, Vision of Love, I did something I never thought I would do-I ended with the dreaded cliffhanger!!!! To be honest, I loved it. To read each message and review with "WTF was that?" or "I need book 2 now!" or "I have to wait until August!" Those comments make me smile! When I read each review, good or bad, it helps me with the next book so thank you for taking the time to review!

My life is an emotional roller coaster. There's been times I ignored my family and friends and honestly, my husband, Kevin, and I went through a period of uncertainty. Mistakes and words were said, but now, we're good and in a place we both love.

Thank you for everything! Thank you to my author friends, the bloggers & most importantly the readers. Y'all are amazing <3

Cheers to another year of more book boyfriends, tears, laughs and heartbreak.


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

My newest obsession..#Bemmeett

Where the hell have I been!?

So last night I was doing research on my book and while on YouTube I saw a clip for Switched at Birth..It looked interesting so I clicked on it..Watched it..2 hours later I'm not ADDICTED!

For those who don't know what the show is about here's the synopsis:
Tells the story of two teen girls who discover that they were accidentally switched at birth. Bay Kennish grew up in a wealthy family with two parents and a brother, while Daphne Vasquez, who lost her hearing as a child due to a case of meningitis, grew up with a single mother in a poor neighborhood. Things come to a dramatic head when both families meet and struggle to learn how to live together for the sake of the girls.

Sounds good yeah?

Then I see Emmett..Oh. My. Gosh.

I mean really? SWOON!

So now I'm addicted and can't stop thinking about this damn show! Now I have to wait until June to watch the rest of season 3. Sigh what a major cliffy at the end of season finale episode!

Emmett: "I just wanted to feel that again..What we had. But I don't think I'm ever going to find that feeling with anyone else."

Bay: "You know I love you. I never stopped."

How can you NOT swoon!?

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Eye Candy Bookstore is LIVE

My fab girls with Eye Candy Bookstore have a brand NEW website with tons of great information & of course sexy eye candy.

These girls have worked so hard with promoting authors & giving you the most up to date news & juicy details from today's hottest authors.

Please be sure to visit the site frequently & show your support! My page along with many of my author friends are on their site so be sure to visit often!

My Way Series by HJ Bellus

(My Way Series, #1)

Whose parents abandon them in a trashy trailer when they are five years old? Oh Yeah! Mine do!

Hey Hoochies! I'm Milly, and I am tired of taking kicks to the gut. A broken family, an asshole husband and the loss of loved ones have left me crying Uncle, and declaring a serious case of the Fuck-Its! 

I had my heart broken, stomped on and shattered before I ever started on my journey to find my little piece of happiness. With a bucket list, a '66 Ford and wild dreams, I set out on an adventure that changed my life forever. 

I found Cree… 

A pirate with a little princess and they swept me off my ever lovin' feet, filling my world with sprinkles, mac n’ cheese and the courage to live again. 

They forced my fragile heart to trust and love without fear. 

But the truth is, nobody’s past stays hidden forever. It’s an invisible monster waiting to attack and destroy. It has the capability to ruin everything you’ve worked to set right. 

All it takes is one final blow to the gut to end everything…

Purchase links:

(My Way Series #2)
by: HJ Bellus


Lacey’s Story…

Covering up pain is easy. It’s keeping it tucked away that’s hard. I’ve always needed the cover of tattoos to hide the nasty past that leached its way into me, tainting me beneath my skin. 

Not the shiny, trendy tats, but the ugly broken kind, meant to keep the world at bay. If they weren’t enough, then my piercings, foul mouth and crazy hair usually did the trick. Life had taught me to never follow the rules, because when you do, you get burned.

My life was perfectly imperfect until Tripp…

Our relationship is what most would describe as fuel meeting fire. We were both hell bent on burning each other to the ground. Tripp was sexy as hell, a charismatic beast, and soon became one of my best friends. We shared a love of ice cream and tattoos as we blazed our own path that could only lead to a beautiful train wreck. 

The only question left is, will we set the countryside ablaze with our hot tempers and foul mouths? Or will we paint our own happy ending filled with all the gushy shit normal people crave?


(My Way Series #3)

Willow's story COMING SUMMER 2014!

About the author: 

I'm just a simple girl who loves the country life... Oh yeah, & a good corn dog! Throw in a little Vanilla Ice, and shits bound to get crazy! 

Be Brave! 

Social media links:

Hosted by:

Thursday, February 27, 2014


Did you fall in love with Knox from When I Break? Did tears fall from your eyes when you read the last page of When I Break? Are you mad at Kendall Ryan?! WELL HOLD ON TIGHT BECAUSE WHEN I SURRENDER IS RELEASING ON 4/7/2014 SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This book is intended for a mature reading audience and contains adult language and themes.

Undaunted by Knox’s complicated history with sexual addiction, McKenna pushes forward in her relationship with this deliciously flawed man. She experiences the highest highs as they discover each other, along with the lowest lows, and worries that his past may not be entirely behind him.

But when a complication from her own past demands attention, she's forced to decide where their relationship is headed, and everything she thought she knew is questioned.

When I Surrender is book 2 in the WHEN I BREAK series by New York Times & USA Today bestselling author Kendall Ryan.

Be sure to say HI to Kendall & show her love <3

Monday, February 24, 2014

Trailer for Next to Forever

Watch it..Love it..Buy Next to Forever so you can feel the power of love with Connor & Erin

Friday, February 14, 2014

Cover reveal for Velvet Reed-The Rhythm of My Heart

Title: The Rhythm of my Heart
Series: The Heart Series - Book 1
Author: Velvet Reed
Expected Release Date: May, 2014

Grace Rivers is your everyday twenty-five year old. She could have the world at her feet, but instead chooses to help run the family business. After experiencing great loss early in her life, Grace values what's most important: her family and friends. But she aches to find that certain someone—that one great, passionate love who values family as much as she does.
Cole Tierney loves his life. He has a wonderful family, a loyal best friend and a successful career as an ER doctor. The only downside is he wants someone to share it with. After being used and left heartbroken, he wants to find someone who will love him for him and not his or his family's status. 
"Every beat my heart makes is for you. Every time it beats faster it's because of you—because you're near me, because of your smile—because you take my breath away."
Their two hearts collide by chance and an undeniable connection is quickly made. But when others are plotting against their happiness, will their love flatline, or will the rhythm of their hearts continue to beat as one?

Author Bio
Velvet Reed is the pen name of an avid book lover, reviewer and blogger who has turned writer.
Born and raised in Sydney, Australia; she is a city girl at heart but loves the laid back lifestyle of living in country New South Wales. Married to her first and only love, she is a devoted mother of three who juggles her very active children and their many extracurricular activities, working in the middle of the night, running a blog, and writing.
Velvet's love of reading was realised only 3 short years ago after the death of her amazing father. She used the escape into the fictional world to help her through her grief and post natal depression, not releasing the great impact so many talented authors would have on her life.
The Rhythm of my Heart is her debut novel and book one in The Heart Series.

Get to know Velvet Reed

♥ Giveaway ♥

$15 Amazon Gift Card

5x The Rhythm of my Heart swag packs


Happy Valentine's Day!

At the end of Next to Forever, readers get a glimpse into the lives of Adam, Sophia, Connor & Erin. Everyone's happy with a family. Connor & Erin finally have their dream come true-a daughter named Emily.

Enjoy this mini Valentine's Day story with Connor & his 15 year old daughter Emily.

            I kiss her all the way down her body. Damn, even after all these years my girl still gets me horny as fuck. I slowly spread her legs and take in her arousal. Always ready for me I smile. My greedy tongue licks and sucks her clit.
            “Mmmm..Ahhh..Connor,” she moans in her sleep. Her hands find my hair and she tugs begging me for more. I quickly lick her up and down. Inside and out. Her body thrashes in bed and I feel her about to come. She closes her legs around my head trapping me. I don’t complain. I love my little freak. “Yes! Connor!”
            Fuck. I can’t take it anymore. I spread her legs again and drive my raging hard on into her. “Argh, baby!” I moan pounding into her.
            “Fuck me harder,” she quietly orders me. Her breath is shallow and she’s about to come apart.
            “Now baby. Let go.”
            We both find our release. My lips crash onto hers and our tongues find one other, teasing, playing and dancing in our mouths.
            Pulling out of her I bring her body close to mine again. I can’t get enough of my sexy wife. The mother of our fifteen year old daughter, Emily.
These past years have been incredible. Optimax is continually climbing the business ladder and I have the ability to work from home. I go into the office a few times a week, but most of the work is done at home. Erin quit her job at Vale and never went back. She enjoys staying at home with Emily.
Erin smiles into my chest and nuzzles her lips on my neck. This is the perfect time to give my present to her. I reach under the pillow, grab the box and hand it to my girl.
“Happy Valentine’s Day baby.” I kiss her forehead and watch her eyes get bigger. That ear to ear smile makes me ache. Shit I’m hard again.
“Babeeeeee!” She quickly opens the box and pulls out the Cartier diamond necklace. “AHHHHHH! This is the one I wanted!” She throws herself onto me and kisses me all over. “Thank you! Now it’s my  turn to give you your gift.” Yep! I’m the luckiest man ever.
After our sexy time, Erin jumps in the shower and I make my way downstairs to make breakfast for my girls. I get in the kitchen and see glasses by the sink. I look around but there’s no one in the kitchen except for me. “Weird. I know I did the dishes last night,” I mutter. “Emily.” I run back upstairs and burst in my daughter’s room. I know. I’m doing an awful fucking thing, but if he’s in here with my daughter, I’m gonna kill him.
“Emily!” I quickly shut the door and explode in mine. “Erin! Go check on your daughter!” Quickly grabbing my phone, I make a phone call.
“Well Happy Valentine’s Day buddy,” Adam laughs.
“Where’s your son?”
“Huh?” There’s rustling in the background. Adam asks Sophia where Nathan is and then there’s yelling. I hang up the phone and sit on the bed. This is fucking ridiculous. I hate the idea of Nathan with my baby girl. They’ve been dating for the past three years and yes I should be happy that she’s happy and in love, but did everyone forget she’s my only child. My heart.

“God damnit! Nathan get up and get out of here. My dad’s gonna kill you!” We both get out of bed and Nathan puts his clothes on. Damn my man is sexy. I tilt my head to the left and admired his fine ass.
“Sweetheart. Can you stop raping me with your eyes and help me find my shirt?”
“Uh huh.” Yeah like I’m moving.
“Emily Patricia Simpson what the hell do you think you’re doing!” My mom comes in and closes the door. She looks around and laughs. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you wanna give your daddy a heart attack?” She picks up Nathan’s shirt and throws it at him. “And you what the hell? Your parents are on their way over so you better be on your best behavior.”
“Mom, I’m freaking fifteen! Come on, seriously. Nathan and I have been together forever. Daddy’s needs to stop.”
My mom laughs again and shakes her head before opening the door. “You’re grounded young lady!” Nathan’s face goes pale. I turn my head and try to get my mom’s attention. She kinks her eyebrows at me but it’s too late.
“Really? This is how you lecture our daughter?” Oh shit.
“Hi babeeee.” Okay seeing my parents all lovey and dovey makes me puke but in a way it’s cute. “Let’s go downstairs. Everyone.
Nathan takes my hand and whispers everything will be alright. Sometimes it’s hard being Connor Simpson’s daughter. He’s a big deal and I’m supposed to be on my best behavior at all times, but I’m my mother’s daughter. I’m wild, crazy and want to live my life to the fullest..With my amazing boyfriend by my side.
When we get downstairs, Adam and Sophia are at the kitchen table waiting for us. “Nathan Adam Simpson! You know better!” Sophia yells, but she’s just like my mom. They’ve been playing match maker since I was four years old. When we told them Nathan and I were official, they took us out to dinner to celebrate.
“Sorry mama,” he says looking down. “Sorry Connor. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful. I love Emily and I would never hurt her.”
“Uh huh,” my dad replies making a cup of coffee. I hate his attitude. He’s always treating me like a child and it’s getting annoying.
“Daddy! Nathan’s trying to apologize. Can you be a little more respectful?”
He quickly turns around and sneers at me. Oh shit. “What did you just say?” He comes towards me but my mom stops him.
“Connor, babe stop.” She holds him back. My dad’s never hit me, but right now I can feel the tension in the room.
“Emily you’re fifteen years old. I caught you in bed with your boyfriend. NAKED!” My face turns bright red and I’m trying really hard not to lose it.
“Well if you didn’t barge into my room then you wouldn’t have ever found out. Mom’s okay with this. Why can’t you be?”
He glares at her and Sophia. “Is that right? Well how about this? Emily you’re never to see Nathan again. End of story.”
Everyone in the room starts yelling at my dad. Nathan holds me and then the words come out of his mouth. “That’s not my daughter.” I push Nathan away and run out the doors, tears coming from my eyes.

The anger in me takes over. I can’t believe I just said that about my daughter. Of course she’s my daughter; she’s my life and my heart. I push everyone away and go outside to breathe. Punching the railing, I let out a loud grunt. How does this happen? It’s hard watching her grow up. Flashes of Emily as a baby come to mind.
I watched her grow from a baby to a child and now a teenager. She used to always want to be around me and hated when we were apart.
Someone touches my shoulder and I’m instantly calm. “You okay?”
She leans her head on my shoulder and we stand on the deck in silence. Sophia calms me and she’s the only one, besides Erin, who really knows me. “Thanks,” I mumble.
“Hey. Listen, you know Nathan and Emily are in love. Yeah, it sucks they’re having sex and he’s sneaking over, but she’s growing up every day honey. She’s on the pill and knows she can always come to us.” This isn’t making me feel better. My baby girl is on the pill. Great.

Nathan holds me against his chest. I sob in his arms and my dad’s words hit me over and over. “He hates me,” I wail. How can I be so stupid? The hurt in his eyes when he saw me in bed sucks. It kills me knowing I disappointed him.
“It’s alright sweetheart. He doesn’t hate you. I promise.” Nathan kisses my forehead and rocks me back and forth. We sit here for a while and listen to the waves hit the sand. I love being here at the beach.
Dad used to bring me here and we’d watched the sunset every day. This was our place, but now it’s where I come to be with Nathan, the other love of my life.
“Ahem.” Nathan and I look up and see my dad standing behind us. “Nathan, can I get a moment with Emily?”
Nathan stands up and nods his head. He gives me a quick kiss and walks away. I’m standing in front of my dad and I’m not sure what to say. This sucks. I hate feeling so distant from him. “I’m sorry Daddy. Please don’t hate me.” I cry, crumbling down on the sand.
“Princess,” he kneels in front of me, bringing me in his arms. “I don’t hate you. I can never and will never hate you. I love you so much. Yes I was mad and I’m sorry. You’re my daughter and I’m happy to have you.” I cry harder. He’s not mad at me and still loves me. He brings me onto his lap and rests his chin on top of my head.
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” We sit in silence, watching the ocean together.
“When you were four years old we sat here with your mom and you told us you really liked Nathan.” He laughs holding me tighter. “I was mad. You were only four and wished for him to like you. Since that night, you and Nathan were inseparable. I watched the both of you grow and also saw the love in his eyes.”
“You did?” He nods. “How did you know?”
“Because that’s the look I give your mom. You and your mom are my heart, Emily. I love you both so much. We’re going to have fights. We’re going to have ups and downs, but don’t ever think I hate you.”
This makes me cry again. I’ve put him through so much when it comes to Nathan. I push and push because since I was his little girl, I knew he wouldn’t get mad. “Are we okay, Daddy?”
“Yes, Princess. We’ll always be okay.”
We stay on the beach a little longer and I feel better. He lifts me up and walk back to Nathan. He’s patiently sitting on the bench waiting for us.
“Sir, I’m sorry again. I hope I can still see Emily,” his voice gets small and I smile. He really loves me.
“Of course, Nathan.” Dad pats Nathan on the back and tells us to get in the car so we can go back home and enjoy the day together. As a family.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

True love

Writing Erin & Connor's story was so fun. Their love is strong and pure and it'll make you believe again. I think everyone needs a little Connor in their lives <3


Thursday, January 23, 2014

Happy Release Day! Next to Forever is LIVE!

Next to Forever is the final book in the Never Letting Go series. 

The past will always come back to haunt you and hidden truths are uncovered, as darkness looms over the lives of Erin and Connor on their journey to forever. 

Filled with love and happiness, as well as a baby and a wedding on the way, Erin and Connor seem to have it all -until life throws them a twist.

As tragedy strikes, Erin and Connor have to make one of the toughest decisions in their lives.

Will they have their happily ever after or will they have to say goodbye forever?

Thank you to all of the amazing bloggers, my fabulous babes and my author friends who helped make Next to Forever's release incredible.

I'm so thankful for everyone's support and love. I've been receiving such great feedback and it truly makes me happy that you're enjoying Erin & Connor's story.

Be sure to one click <3

Buy Links

As a SPECIAL thank you, here's chapter 1 of Next to Forever xxoxox

Chapter One


Thirty minutes. Eighteen hundred seconds.
That’s how long I’ve been waiting to hear about a possible new job with Vale Real Estate. I hate waiting and doubting myself. All I can do is wait at home, by my cell phone and pray that good news will come. I look at the clock again and I swear it’s been two PM for the last hour. I check my phone to make sure that I have reception and try to sit down but it’s useless.

I look around the kitchen to see if I can clean but everything’s done. The floors have been mopped, dishes done, and cabinets have all been organized. I walk over to the oven and look inside, trying to decide whether or not it’ll be a good idea to start cleaning it. The oven doesn’t look bad, and it shouldn’t since I don’t do the cooking. Connor does. We have a cleaner come in twice a month, and it looks fine to me. Shutting the oven door, I try to relax my mind and think about something else, but nothing comes to mind. Laying my head on the wood kitchen table, I close my eyes and say a silent prayer. I’ve been out of school for three months, and this is the first job that I actually have a chance at getting. It’s been one interview and rejection after another. Sometimes I wonder why I spent the money on all the tests to get my license to be a real estate agent.

I hate waiting, and I’m trying to stay hopeful that this is the job that’ll be my career. It kills me to think that after all the money my parents spent for me to get a degree that it takes this long to find a freaking job! I’m smart and graduated from a prestigious college, yet finding a good job is like trying to win the lottery. I could go back to get my Master’s degree, but it’s just more school and there’s always that chance I’ll be in the same spot—jobless. No one really understands my reasoning for a job, but I hate depending on Connor. Yes, we’re wealthy and Connor’s doing extremely well at Optimax, but I don’t want to be that girl who stays home all day shopping, going to the spa, and playing the good housewife. No, that’s not me. I’m the girl that needs to be busy and making a difference. I need to be around people and helping out. My own life and career. I love Connor, and I’m happy he wants me to stay home so I don’t keep stressing, but he can be such a man-child. Always complaining and whining that he doesn’t want me working, so I can travel with him so we don’t have to be apart. I understand because I do miss him, but sometimes we need the distance to appreciate each other and learn how to miss one another.

I’ve never been tied down to just one guy, so when Connor Simpson walked into my life, my world was turned upside down. It seemed as though I had to experience all the shit in my life, so that I could appreciate Connor. All of the flings, ex-boyfriends, and wasting my time—it was all worth it. There was an ache in my heart, an emptiness that was never filled. My parents gave me everything I ever wanted, but they were working all the time and I spent more time with my nanny than them. My nanny and driver were wonderful and I love them, but sometimes all a girl really wanted was to see her parents and tell them about her day. Phone calls and text messages didn’t count or mean as much.

When I got into college, away from home, my wild side came out. Getting drunk and high almost every night messed with my head. I was away from home and the freedom to be bad was more alluring than being the good girl I used to be. There was no one telling me “no” or reminding me that classy girls don’t do that. My inner wild child was out to play.

One night, there was this party at a frat house that was supposed to be the best party and I knew I had to be there. I was a freshman at the time, but since I was hot, no one cared that I was there. After about six shots of whiskey and funneling beer, I ended up in bed with the captain of the lacrosse team, Landon. We hooked up a few more times after the party, and he was great but it got boring. We were messing around for about a month before I broke things off with him.

 After Landon, there was Eddie, the hot soccer player. He had a small dick and wasn’t good at all, so he was just a one-time fling.

When I was done with Eddie, I dated Ash for a few months. Things were great, and I was falling for him but when I caught him cheating on me, it was over. My heart broke that night, and I felt alone. More alone than ever before. I cared about him, and he tried winning me back, but I couldn’t trust him, so I had to move on. I stayed single for a while and focused on helping Sophia and getting together with my girlfriends. I still had dates here and there, but the one-night stands weren’t as frequent. With a broken heart, I didn’t believe in love. To me, it was just a silly feeling that people thought they felt.

My feelings and view on love changed the night I met Connor, though. Right when our eyes met, something in me burst and I wanted him. He wasn’t like the other guys. Connor was special, and I couldn’t explain it then. He accepted me for me and my past was something that I couldn’t change. Connor tore down my walls and never gave up on me. I showed him a different side of me—the real Erin. He brought me back to life and out of my dark shell. He made me feel good and that I mattered. I wasn’t used to being called beautiful or special. The other guys called me sexy or dangerous. My mind flashed back to the night he told me he loved me.

I was on the laptop in the living room, while Connor was watching TV. He kept looking over at me, smiling.

“Stop staring at me!”

“Why? You’re beautiful, and you should know how I feel.” He came over to me, reached down, and took the laptop away. He pulled me up to his chest and our lips met. The kiss wasn’t demanding or rough. It was sweet and passionate. His hands roamed my back, and at the moment, I felt alive.

I felt whole.

Out of nowhere, ‘If I Didn’t Have You’ by Thompson Square came on. Connor pulled away and looked down at me. “Dance with me.”

“Of course,” I blushed.

His arms wrapped around me waist and I placed my head on his chest. We swayed to the music and listened to the lyrics. Connor started to softly sing to the song to me.

The loving words of the song… telling me he couldn’t live without me. I loved listening to Connor sing. I told him all the time his voice was amazing, but he was too shy to sing around anyone else besides me.

“I love when you sing to me.”

His chin rested on the top of my head. “I’ll always sing to you, Erin. Just to see you smile and make you feel happy.” His breathing quickens. I looked at him and wondered if he were okay.
“Connor? You ok, babe?”

He closed his eyes, and I felt nervous.


“I love you, Erin.”

The words hit me, and suddenly my whole life had meaning again. I’ve been waiting for those words for so long. Even though it’s only been a few months, I knew deep down that Connor was the one for me. I wanted to spend my life with him.

“I love you too, Connor. I fell in love with you the first time we met.”

Without saying anything, Connor’s lips crashed into mine with such desire and need.

The ringing of the phone brings me back to the now.

“Oh shit,” I mutter. “Breathe, Erin. Just. Breathe.” I pick up the phone. “Hello?”

The voice on the other line is sweet and refreshing. “Hi, may I speak to Erin Costella, please?”

“This is she.” I sit back down and try to calm my shaky body. My hands begin to get clammy, and I take a pen to start doodling on a piece of paper to help calm my nerves.

“Hi Erin. This is Stacey with Vale Real Estate. How are you?”

“I’m doing well, and yourself?” I get back up from the table and pace the kitchen. Doodling isn’t helping, and 
I’m about to scream if she doesn’t give me the news. Okay, peppy girl, give it to me now or else I’m going to punch someone in the throat!

“That’s so great to hear. I’m good, thanks for asking! Well, I’m calling on behalf of Albert Stanley, and we would like to offer you a position with Vale!”

Immediately, my arms are in the air, and I’m jumping up and down. Fist pumping the air, with the biggest smile on my face! “Wow, thank you so much, Stacey. Yes, I’d be honored to work with Albert and Vale.”

“Perfect. If you can start tomorrow at nine in the morning, that’ll be great. We just have to finalize some paperwork and get you into training.”

“Sounds good. Thank you again.”

“It’s our pleasure, Ms. Costella. Have a great day!”

“You, too!”

I hang up the phone with Stacey and feel so happy. The smile on my face is from ear to ear. This is the best news, and after everything I’ve been through, trying to find a job and not giving up, this is finally my moment. I can’t believe this is happening. All my hard work and efforts—finally someone notices.
I take out my cell phone and text Connor to let him know the news.

Me: Connor! I got the job!

Connor: Wow baby! Congrats! I’m proud of you. I wish I could be there with you now to celebrate, but I’ll be home in a few days.

Connor’s been in California for the past three weeks. The distance is good, but I’ve been a mess and it sucks. He always asks me how I’m doing but what can I say? I can’t beg him to come back. Optimax is important to him, and I don’t want to be that girlfriend who nags and complains. I hate lying to him but I know that Connor would get on the next plane home.

I have Sophia and Adam to keep me company, but a part of feels guilty to always be their third wheel. Sophia constantly tells me that they love having me around, and Adam agrees, but still, a part of me feels guilty.

 Since we all found out Sophia’s pregnant, Adam’s been staying in Charlotte and running things from the home office. I’m slightly jealous, but I know Sophia needs Adam. She’s been through so much over the past few months, but I’m proud of her and her strength.

Me: I know I miss you too.

Connor: I’ll call you soon, okay? Meeting in 5. I love you.

Me: Always.

Smiling, I put my phone away and head upstairs to take a shower before heading over to Sophia and Adam’s for dinner.

Before getting in the shower, my head starts pounding, and I feel dizzy. There’s some pain in my lower back, and I try to keep balance and focus. I gently shake my head and hold tight to the sink counter. This is getting weird. I’ve been feeling off for the past few weeks, but it’s been really stressful with Connor being gone and trying to find a job.

A few minutes pass, and I start to feel a little better. I turn on the shower knob to hot, take off my clothes and get in. The hot water soothes my body, but my emotions are all over. Leaning my head against the shower wall, a wave of sadness washes over me, and I start crying. I hate being away from Connor for this long. I don’t know when he’s coming back. It’s lonely at night when I fall asleep, and in the morning when I wake up to find myself alone in our bed. My mind goes back to our last Skype date.

Connor looked at me with sad eyes. The dark bags under his eyes were getting worse, and all I wanted to do was feel his touch and feel his lips.

“Babe, why don’t you try and get some sleep?”

Connor ran his hand through his hair. “I have so much work to do, baby. These contracts need to be revised, and I’m waiting on an email from Joseph.” I looked at the time, and it was almost eleven at night. “Stop doing that.”

I touched the screen, pretending I could touch him. ‘Mine Would Be You’ by Blake Shelton played from my iPod, and I started smiling.

“Do you remember our first date?”

Connor laughed. “Sushi date with Sophia and Adam.”

“I was so attracted to you and my goal was to get to know you.” I closed my eyes, remembering his smell, his smile, and his laugh. “God, I miss you so much.”

“I know, baby. I miss you too, but it’s just going to be for a few more weeks. Pretty soon, we’ll land the contract, and I won’t have to be in California.” He brought his hand to the screen, and I brought mine to meet his. “You know I dream about you every night. You’re always on my mind, Erin.” Connor let out a sigh. “I know that sometimes I don’t deserve you, and I know this has been hard. I love that you love me and understand.”

“Babe, I’m not going anywhere. We’re forever. You’re the best thing that’s happen to me, and I can’t wait to see you again.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m taking you or our relationship for granted. I know that you need me back at home, and I’d do anything to come back to you. Just to be in your arms.” Connor laughed. “I couldn’t be in your position.”

“I’m not going to lie, it’s hard and sucks. I wish that you could be home with me, and sometimes I do think about what it’ll be like if,” my voice trailed off. I couldn’t say what I was thinking.
“Be strong for me. For us. These hard times are just bumps in the road, but we’re forever, Erin. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget my love for you, how my heart beats for just you. You’re my first and last choice. Do you know what I think about when I think about forever?” I shake my head, smiling because I know what he’s going to say. “I think about you, me, and a family. A little girl with your blue eyes and earth-shattering smile. You’re brilliance is incredible. You’re sexy, confident, and your heart is so big, baby. You’re my world and I don’t ever want you to doubt us.”

My heart beat faster thinking about Connor and our future. He was my unconditional love, and I loved how close we were getting. We’ve been together since February, and it’s been nothing but amazing. “You always have the sweetest things to say. I know you just want some.”
He started laughing and winked. “It’s been a while.”

“You’re the one gone.” I stood up and walked to get my bottle of water. I was purposely wearing a tight purple tank top that revealed my goodies, and black boy shorts. I knew Connor was looking when I heard him groaning. Score, I can still make that man horny! I turned my head and saw the darkness in his eyes. I loved knowing what I could do to him. He never took his eyes off me. Connor moved around, and I wondered what he was doing. “Oh my God! Are you jacking off?” I burst out laughing, but Connor smiled and kept his eyes on my ass. “You’re so dirty.”

“Shhhh, baby. Let me enjoy this view.” An idea popped in my head. I started slowly taking off my tank top and touched my left nipple, playing and teasing it. “Fuck, baby.” His eyes lifted and locked on mine again as he leaned back. I saw his hand moving up and down. The ache was killing me. I slipped my hand in my panties and felt my wetness. “How wet are you?”

“So. Wet.” I breathlessly let out.

“I miss tasting how sweet you are. Put your finger in your mouth. Tell me how you taste.” I did what he wanted and smiled.

My other hand played with my clit, and I felt the build-up in my body. “Connor!” I yelled, feeling my release and hearing Connor saying my name over and over. I never felt embarrassed when it came to Connor. He made me feel sexy, and I couldn’t do wrong in his eyes. “Feeling better?”

“Oh yeah.” We both laughed and talked a little more before ending our Skype date. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, baby. Sweet dreams.”

I blow him a kiss and turn off the laptop.

I miss him, and I just want him close to me. Picturing his smile and amazing eyes, the way he changes my mood with just one look, I count the days until we’re back together, and we can be connected once again.
I finish my shower and start getting ready. After blow-drying my hair, putting on some make up, and throwing on shorts and a tank top, I head over to Sophia and Adam’s place.

The walk is short, and I love being out in the sun. The August weather does wonders for my mood and always makes me smile. Summer in Charlotte is definitely really hot and humid, but so worth it. The sun’s rays hit my skin, and I feel better, but still missing my love.

Sophia and Adam’s front door is open, and I walk in. “If you’re having sex, then don’t make any noises or else I’ll come up there and ruin it!” I laugh, walking into the kitchen. Adam hates me when I start yelling when I come over. It annoys him but amuses me. Sophia’s in the kitchen cooking and listening to music. Justin Timberlake’s ‘Sexy Back’ is playing and Sophia’s singing. She starts fist pumping and I can’t help but laugh. I pull out my phone and start recording her rendition of ‘Sexy Back.’ She starts bouncing up and down, singing as loud as she can. I cover my mouth so she doesn’t hear me laughing. Sophia turns around and her face turns bright red in two seconds.

“Erin Kathryn Costella!” Sophia walks over to me, but I stop the video and make sure it’s saved on my phone. “Do not show anyone that video!”

She comes after me, but I run outside on the deck and laugh even harder. Sophia starts pouting. “Oh stop! I mean, you look like you should be on American Idol or something, with that voice and those moves.” I laugh again, and Sophia stands there with her hands on her hips.

“I’m going to punch you in the cooter!”

“Potty mouth! My future niece/nephew doesn’t need to hear that vulgar language!” We laugh again, and get more of the food ready. “How far along are you?”

“Eight weeks,” she smiles, touching her stomach. “It’s an amazing feeling, Erin.”

“I’m so happy for you! You’re going to be such a great mom, Soph.”

“I hope so!” She turns her attention to the chicken and pulls out different seasonings. “Did you hear back from any of your interviews yet?”

I turn around and smile. “Vale called, and they want me!” Sophia turns around and hugs me. She congratulates me and tells me how proud she is of me.

“Where’s Adam?”

She turns back to me and rolls her eyes. “Work. As usual.”

The sad tone in her voice is all too familiar. Adam and Connor are working so hard, and we try to be supportive, but it gets hard not being able to be with them as much as we want. “Busy with that stupid California project, huh?”

“Ugh. Yeah!”

Sophia tells me how Adam’s been working at least sixteen hours a day then comes home to work on his laptop. He’s getting sick with the lack of sleep and stress from the project. “Soph, I know it sucks, but at least Adam’s here and not in California.” I know it was bitchy of me to say that, and I do feel bad for my best friend, but it’s the truth. She should be happy that Adam’s here and not a thousand miles away. At least he gets to come home to her every night. Everyone has been working around the clock,  though, so he’s not the only one.

Sophia sighs. “I know, and I feel bad that Connor’s been gone for so long, but Adam said that Connor’s going to be back soon and then they won’t need to be going to California for a while. Joseph’s going to be doing most of the traveling. He knows it’s hard for us to have them gone.” Sophia gives me a hug. “I’m sorry that you’re going through this.”

I hug her back. I hate feeling this way and being a bitch. “I’m sorry for what I said. It just sucks not having him here with me.”

“You know you can come over and keep me company. I don’t know why you don’t come over more.” Sophia’s concern is sweet, and I know she wants me to come around more, but I hate intruding on her life with Adam. They just got married, and in the blissful happy life filled with hot sex.

I let go of Sophia and go back to cutting the vegetables. “I know that you and Adam need your time together. Plus, I’m over every other night for dinner. I’m sure Adam wants to kill me.” We both laugh and try to finish prepping for dinner.

She looks around to make sure we’re alone and turns her head to me. “Can I ask you a question?”

“What’s up?”

Sophia looks down, and I know what she’s about to ask. I love how shy she gets with the topic of sex. “So,” she starts to say, playing with her fingers and not looking at me. “I’ve been really horny lately but Adam comes home tired, and I’ve had to masturbate, which sucks! How can I get him into it?”

“Oh, honey. I know how that is, and I’m sorry. Sometimes surprising him in the office works and leaving sexy notes. Why don’t you put on some lingerie, and when he comes home just attack him?” I know she won’t do it but putting that idea in her head will hopefully help.

“Hmmm, good idea.” She washes her hands and takes out her phone to send a text.

Finishing up in the kitchen, I start cleaning up the remainder of the raw chicken juices. As the smell travels and swirls around me, my stomach starts making weird noises. Quickly, I wash my hands and run to the bathroom. I start gagging but nothing comes up. “What the hell?” My voice is low, and I try to figure out what’s going on with me. Turning on the water to cool, I splash some on my face and try to even my breathing. I hate feeling so shitty and sick.