Monday, October 12, 2015

You are beautiful

October is a month I hold deep in my heart. Not only is it Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but also Domestic Violence Awareness. This is a topic we don't talk about too much, and sometimes pretend it doesn't exist.

It does exist.
It happens.

Did you know every 9 seconds a woman in the US is assaulted or beaten?

Domestic violence isn't only physical-it's emotional, sexual, economic and psychological as well.

Before I found happiness I was in love. He was my world and I thought we were going to be together forever. I first met him when I was a freshman in high school. He lived in a different town and went to a different school. He was also three years old than me. We were together for a while, then broke up because he didn't want a girlfriend. I was heartbroken, but eventually I moved on. We reconnected a few years later, and things were great again. He made me smile. He made my heart race and he did things I never thought were possible.

But then I noticed a pattern.

I saw him at night and I always gave in. He was smooth and manipulative. Only I didn't see that. He'd come over to my house, or I'd go over to his. We never cuddled or went on dates.

It was purely sexual.

I allowed this to happen for a few months until I wanted out. He told me over and over again I couldn't find someone better and no one would love me. I felt his words and believed him. I thought he was right. I thought this was what I deserved and what I was stuck with. He made me feel little and made me do things I didn't want.

He gave me a STD. Thank goodness it was curable, but that was the last straw. I knew he was cheating on me and I knew I had to leave or else I was going to be stuck.

The night we broke up I went over to his house, and we fought. He called me fat and ugly, he told me I wasn't good enough and he was the only man who'll love me.

I cried and he laughed in my face.

"You're so fucking weak. Look at you." He came close to my face and I smelled his minty breath. "Where do you think you'll go? I'm never letting you go, bitch."

Those words rung in my ears. He was so close to my face. I thought he was going to hit me. I left with tears in my eyes and I was still his girlfriend.

A week passed, and I didn't hear from him.

A month passed, and I didn't hear from him.

He let me go.
I was free.

I deleted his number and blocked him on social media. I was free of his abusive words and it took me a long time to realize I wasn't ugly and I would find love.

September 2006 I did find love.

October 12, 2015 we're still in love.

Kevin saved me from myself. He made me believe again and showed me what love is supposed to feel like.

Some women aren't lucky. To this day I wonder why he let me go and never tried contacting me. I like to think someone was watching me or someone knocked sense into him. Don't worry my ex is still alive, doing who knows what, and I pray he's a changed man.

Believe you are beautiful and you are worthy of love and happiness. Don't let someone make you feel anything else. Hold yourself high and surround yourself around positive. There will always be stormy days and nights you hear and feel, but remember how strong you are.


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